Blobular

There was a blob, it was bereft of hands, yet it was severely ambidextrous. It lived not the life of opulence, although, it once was seen eating tentatively with Rosie O'Donnell (A supposed family member). Many people would say that this blob often wore a guise. I would prefer to say that it simply had another blob constructing its facade. This blob was a dour blob, it always seemed to find life to be a serious matter despite being a very pliable and ridiculous looking creature. 
Whenever this blob came in contact with anything salty, or that sounded like the word salt, it would augment its unkempt self and jostle around violently. This is mostly due in part to the fact that the blob may have been a snail in a previous life.
My final thoughts on my good friend come verbatim from its mate, "bluuuuuuub."